amusement

Hhhhhehehshsh

found a universal remote. i pointed it at the tv, it changed channels. i pointed it at the cat, it barked. i pointed it at my annoying neighbor, he started talking in slow motion. funny for a while. then i accidentally pointed it at the moon and it went out. all black. total bummer. i tried to turn it back on, no batteries. woke up in the darkness of my room

i was building a raft with raw pasta and glue. i wanted to cross a pool of grape juice. my friends thought the idea was lame, but i insisted. the raft was ready, a bit wobbly. i put it in the water, it softened right away. i sank with it. all sticky with juice and soft pasta. my friends were laughing. woke up with a taste of grape in my mouth.

a talking dog gave me love advice. he had a southern accent. 'oh gee, have more confidence in yourself'. weird. he analyzed my last date and gave tips. 'offer her a bone, it symbolizes abundance'. not sure that will work. i thanked him. woke up wondering if i should buy a bone

lost in the desert, scorching sun, a killer thirst. just sand. and there, a vending machine in the middle of nowhere. i run, i put in an imaginary coin, i press 'water'. a penguin comes out of the machine, hands me a cup of crushed ice. i accept, too good. he starts telling penguin jokes, really awful ones. woke up before the punchline

I got lost in the desert. The scorching sun made me incredibly thirsty. Just sand everywhere. But suddenly, a vending machine appeared out of nowhere. I ran to it and put in a fake coin, then pressed the 'Water' button. A penguin came out of the vending machine and handed me red bean shaved ice. I took it and ate it, and it was absolutely delicious. Then the penguin started telling a corny penguin joke. I woke up before the joke ended.