humor

I got on the bus and the driver was a penguin in a suit. He was driving slowly and stopped at every stop even though no one was there. He asked if I wanted to listen to the "Best Glacier Playlist". I said it was okay. He played it anyway. It was just the sound of ice cracking. It was so boring I woke up.

I was playing guitar in a vegetable band. The bassist was a broccoli, and the drummer was a potato. I played guitar with a carrot. The sound was a little strange, but it was fun. We performed in front of an audience of worms and snails in the garden. They totally loved it. They threw flower petals at us. It was the peak of my vegetable career. I woke up smiling.

There was a pop quiz at school, but the subject was "How to Befriend Plants." Of course, I knew nothing. The teacher was a giant fern, saying things like, "More chlorophyll, please." Everyone in the class seemed to understand, taking notes like "Compliment the new leaves" and "Water with mineral water." I just drew a laughing cactus on my answer sheet. The fern teacher gave me a 0 and said, "You lack plant-based sensitivity." I woke up feeling like I'd been made fun of.

a talking dog gave me relationship advice spoke with an accent 'buddy be more confident' strangely analyzed my last date gave tips 'give her a bone symbol of abundance' don't know if that works thanked him woke up wondered if i should buy a bone

i was building a raft with raw pasta and glue. i wanted to cross a pool of grape juice. my friends thought the idea was lame, but i insisted. the raft was ready, a bit wobbly. i put it in the water, it softened right away. i sank with it. all sticky with juice and soft pasta. my friends were laughing. woke up with a taste of grape in my mouth.

I could talk to insects. An ant told me the traffic in the colony was hellish. A ladybug complained about the price of pollen. A cockroach said the best hiding place was behind the fridge. Informative, but a little disgusting listening to the cockroach. Then a spider tried to sell me a high-speed web subscription. I refused. Woke up scratching everywhere.